Converse

For those of you who don't know, I love converse shoes.  I have several pairs in different colors, I wear them almost every single day and I have full intentions of wearing them until I'm 80.  I love them.  I also knew our kid was going to love them... or at least wear them because I choose such things.  Since friends and family knew of my love for converse we received several pairs as gifts.  I even created a converse shelf to put them on in the nursery.

The other day my mother in law sent me pictures from my family shower.  I smiled and cried as I looked through them, especially these few below.  You see years ago I inadvertently would dress like my friend, Alicia's, son.  He often wore converse and shirts with superhero and so did I.  I'm ok admitting I dressed like a two year old.  Then her second son, who is my buddy, continued the pattern of dressing the same.  She would buy matching Akron shirts and I would buy converse or visa versa.

So at the shower she gave me all the old pairs of converse, along with the matching Akron shirts.  As I opened the gift I was overcome with emotion.  I could feel the tears welling up and my face getting red telling the women in the room about how I dressed like Isaiah and Xavier.  It wasn't that I used to dress like them that created this emotion deep within, it was the anticipation of her having a similar relationship with my son.  I couldn't wait for her to meet him.  I couldn't wait to make them dress alike.  And I couldn't wait for all of us to wear converse.

Not only did she give us the old converse and shirts, she also gave me brand new little black converse as well.  

I'm so grateful for those moments... for opening those converse with such joy and anticipation.  For creating a converse shelf and putting them on it.

After Enoch was buried it was hard for me to go to the gravesite because there was no gravestone nor any other marker.  Just an outline of dirt where they replaced a layer of grass.  I knew Enoch was there, but it seemed so sad with nothing else.

So one day as were headed to the grave I told Tim we had to take something... a toy, a truck, anything!  I asked him if we could stop at the store so his grave wasn't so empty and sad.  Then he suggested a pair of converse.  What a great idea! I immediately went into the nursery, one of few times I've been in, and grabbed a small pair of brand new black converse and with a sharpie wrote   Enoch's name and birthdate and placed them at the gravesite.  It wasn't until later that I realized they were the converse Alicia gave me.  Which really was perfect.

Enoch's shoes with the legos Isaiah made him

When at the shower little did I know that we would use those same shoes as a marker for his grave.  I'm glad I didn't know it then.  I'm glad that there was joy associated with those little converse that I love so much.  I'm glad for not knowing then, what I know now.  Because my heart couldn't have handled realizing he would never get to wear those little shoes.