Beyond appreciation

Every year First Glance hosts a volunteer appreciation dinner for all of our volunteers.  I really wholeheartedly believe we have the best volunteers in all of Akron.  They do so much for First Glance, our community and our students.  So each year we attempt to honor and appreciate them for all they do.  And with that I have the privilege of doing a short presentation of thanks and highlights.  

The challenge every year is to clearly and concisely articulate my deepest appreciation...

• For coming each week, even when they don't feel like it.
• For loving teens and young adults that don't always love you back.
• For moving their families into the community to love our students better and more often (45% of our volunteers now live in a one mile radius of FG).
• For showing up to countless court hearings, sporting events, birthday parties, plays, and anything else they are invited to.
• For investing their personal time and money to love and care for our students outside of FG.
• For giving countless rides to FG as well as other places.
• For coming back even after breaking up a fight.  
• For showing them the hope and love of Christ.
• The list could go on... and on... and on.  

We have amazing and dedicated volunteers and I am impressed constantly by what they do for First Glance.  

This year the volunteer appreciation dinner was even more humbling.  For years I have talked about this community of volunteers.  And almost every time I have talked about them I have bragged about how well they do to care for each other.  I've seen them drop groceries off to each other, loan household goods, buy each other cars, care for each other's kids and so much more.  In explaining the way our community loves one another I have always said, "if something ever happened to us,  I have no doubt that they would be first on the scene."  It's true.  At least 100 times I've said this phrase when giving FG tours or talking about this community of volunteers.  

When I woke up on December 8th I had no idea that I would be putting that phrase to the test.  I didn't know that at 11:35 I would begin to text a handful of them and ask for prayer.  I didn't know that within minutes our community would show up at the hospital.  I had no way of knowing what the next days and months would hold for Tim and I.  But I was right.  Something did happen to us and they were first on the scene.  They didn't only show up on December 8th, but they have walked with us for almost three months since.  They have brought us food, given us money for medical bills,  helped us host a funeral, clean up a tree in our backyard, given FG money in Enoch's name and so much more.  They did everything they could... even in a season when the doing feels empty because you can't fix it.  

There are NO words to express how humbled and appreciative Tim and I are at how the FG community loved, cared and supported us during the hardest season of our lives. 

And on Friday I stood before this group for our annual volunteer appreciation with a very different message of thanks than I ever anticipated giving.  I thanked them wholeheartedly for not only loving and caring for this community, but for loving and caring for Tim and I.  I am so amazingly humbled and grateful to serve along side each of these volunteers!

**Please note many others, including family and friends have been a great support as well!

My favorite room in the whole world

Since Enoch has died it's been a rough road of figuring out what the new normal is. Quite honestly I don't have the same emotional or physical energy as I once had.  In addition it's hard to care much about things that don't really matter.  In light of life and death, in light of little energy, it's hard to give much time to anything that doesn't have meaning and purpose.  

The good news is that I love my job.  I love it because it has purpose.  No matter what has happened to me in my personal life, I still love these students so much I have to tell them about the hope and love of Jesus.  In a world that is hopeless, I know and understand hope, which is the only thing I have to hold onto myself.  And it's the only thing I can offer to these teens and young adults.  

As I come back to work, I'm so thankful for a couple things in particular.

I get to come back to this room, the prayer room.  It literally is my favorite room in the whole world. I have come back several times since Enoch died, but now I get to come back everyday.   We created this prayer room years ago at First Glance in order for the staff to spend time in each day.  We realized that God could do more through prayer than we can do through just working in our office. 

I love it because the only thing I ever do in this room is interact with God.  I also love it because we have pictures of our students and pray for each of them by name.  I continue to wonder what happens to this community in 10 years if we pray for each of these teens and young adults by name?  

I'm also so grateful for the first major project to work on after coming back from my leave is our prayer event for First Glance.  I genuinely believe prayer changes things.  I genuinely believe that God can do amazing things in Kenmore through prayer.  So although I have little energy, I'm thankful I get to spend it planning this event I love and believe in so much.  

I'll be honest, in coming back to work some days are good, some days are hard, and some days it takes every ounce of energy to get out of bed.  On the really hard days I remind myself of the hope I have and want to offer.  And I love these students too much not to get out of bed and tell them of it.  

If any one of you has any interest in being part of the week long prayer event, please come be part!  Everyone is welcome to any of these.

• Sunday, March 13th 7:00-8:30 worship service at FG
• Every hour throughout the week our prayer rooms will be open to sign up for a prayer slot. Click here to sign up.  
• Sunday, March 20th 7:00-8:30 worship service at FG 

Maternity leave is over

I woke up Friday morning and put on my black comfy pants, you know, one of the two pairs I have worn every day for the past eight weeks.  My entire maternity leave has been a rotation of these pants to every single place I've gone.

So, as I was putting on my black comfy pants on the last day of my maternity leave, I thought about how the days of comfy pants were over.  I thought about how this was my last day of my maternity leave, and suddenly I was mad.  Not because I have to go back to work, I actually really like work and some routine will be good for me.  I was mad because this isn't how returning to work after maternity leave was supposed to be!

• I'm mad that I was on my maternity leave and visiting my son's grave simultaneously.
• I'm mad that my "real clothes" still don't fit because of the baby weight, but there is no baby.
• I'm mad that I've spent my maternity leave working on a memory book of Enoch, instead of holding him.
• I'm mad that I'm worn going back to work, not because a baby has been keeping me up all night,  but because grief takes a toll on the body.
• I'm mad that my friend's interaction with Enoch is them sending me a picture that they visited his grave that day.
• I'm mad that we didn't have to find child care, because there is no child to care for.
• I'm mad that I'm not crying about leaving my baby to go back to work, rather I have cried everyday because he was never here to leave.
• I'm mad that I ended up reading books on grief rather than parenting and leadership like I planned.  
• I'm mad that the question people will inevitably ask "do you have kids?" has no easy answer.
• I'm mad that I will use my lunch break to visit Enoch's grave rather than visit him at home.
• I'm mad that I can't put a picture of my son on my desk, because nobody wants to see a picture of a dead baby.

So tomorrow I'll head to work, excited to be with the team, but mad from the void of what this return should have been.

First Glance Turns 15!!

15 years ago yesterday my twenty-two year old self walked in to Kenmore Community center with five other volunteers, inflatable couches, a box of candy and a hope that at least three teenagers would show up to "First Glance".  I had absolutely no clue that that night would change my life.  A lot has changed since that night, buildings, programs, staff, and thousands of students, but the thing that has changed the most is me.  

This is the wall in my office.  Hundreds of pictures that represent only a portion of the memories and adventures of the last 15 years and through all of them I stand here today having learned so much.  Here are fifteen things I have learned in these fifteen years... some light and fun, some heavy and hard.  

1.  Have A Clean Up Plan:
If you're going to fill a skate park bowl full of leaves, have a good plan for getting them out of the building.  Our plan was not a good one.  

2.  Karen Freeman:
Sometimes I look back and wonder why Karen who was well beyond me in life and ministry ever decided to help me start First Glance, but she did.  She walked me through so much, taught me along the way and over the past 15 years has let me pretend I am in charge ;)  She has been an amazing mentor and friend and our memories, both good and hard, are countless together!  I am forever grateful for love and guidance and friendship!  

3.  I love them more than they know:
I sincerely love the teens and young adults who walk through our door.   I see all the potential they have!!!  It's so much!  I wish they could see what I see in each and every one of them! I care about them deeply while they are part of First Glance and beyond.  I think they assume I forget about them, but I don't!  I follow them on FB and I show up if something tragic happens and often their picture is on my office wall! 

4.  Best Road Trip Song:
This is and will forever be the best Road Trip song with a van full of girls.
https://youtu.be/cMWWBigvbkY

5.  Our Volunteers are Rock Stars!!

First Glance WOULD NOT be where we are today if it weren't for the men and women who have worked to help First Glance and to love everyone who comes there.  They mentor, love, clean, build, fix, cook, and and do anything else asked to make sure we are impacting this community in the greatest way.  Their love and dedication is shown by 90 regular volunteers coming each week, many for all 15 years.  In addition 42% have moved into Kenmore to be part of this community.     

6.  Funerals:
Sadly I have been to more funerals for those under the age of 25 than over.  Over the years I have learned what to anticipate with a young persons funeral.  It's something I wish I didn't know.  

7.  They are My Kids:
Those who attend First Glance I refer to as "my kids".  They aren't clients or patrons or projects or anything of the sort!  And if you tell me you want to donate something that you were going to throw away, "but it's good enough for your students" it will make me want to punch you in the face.  I will refrain from doing so, because I don't believe in violence, but I will want to :).  

8.  Prayer Changes Things:
I love lists, I love checking things off, I love all things accomplishing!  And over the years I have learned that the single best thing I can do for First Glance and for the teens and young adults who walk through our door is pray for them!  I have learned and have seen God answer prayers in a mighty way!!  So we have put in a prayer room, two technically, where we as a staff use it everyday to pray for our students by name!  I continue to wonder what will happen to this community in ten years if we pray every day for these students.  

9.  I'm Glad God Didn't Answer That Prayer:
If I'm honest there have been some disappointing times during First Glance when I've prayed for something and God didn't answer it the way I thought he should.  I specifically remember fasting, praying and very much pleading with God to give us a new building, he didn't.  It really affected me at the time, I couldn't understand!!  As I look back now I am SO GLAD he didn't give us that building.  Had he done so First Glance wouldn't exist today. We couldn't have afforded that building and I didn't know that then.  I'll be honest over the years there have a been quite a few times that I have struggled with this same thing, feeling like God should have been doing something he wasn't.  I now sincerely and genuinely trust that he always knows what is best.

10.  Be Obedient to the Next Step:
I was young and I had no clue what I was doing, and I really had no idea I was starting a non-profit organization.  From day one until now I simply did what needed to be done next... rent a larger building, find someone to start a new program, asked some nice people for money, etc.  I didn't start First Glance 15 years anticipating that we would own buildings, have staff, offer so many programs, etc... I simply did the next thing.

11.  Reunion Night:
Just a handful of months ago was Reunion Night, where we invited everyone back, both volunteers and students!!  300 people showed up and it sincerely was one of the best nights of my entire life!!  I love and miss them all... more than they know.

12.  This Man...
Tim and I got married in May and started First Glance in September of 2000.  He's been amazing as we started, grew, added programs, invited students to move in, built skate ramps, fixed computer problems, and so much more.  His love for God has allowed him to love me and those coming to our ministry well.  First Glance would not be where it is today without his love and support and him by my side.  

13.  Fights:
They happen sometimes.  Over the years I have learned how to break them up, even if those fighting are bigger than me.  If you ever need a lesson in such things just ask.

14.  God, the Creator of the Universe, Desires to Interact in Our Lives!
Something transformational in my life over the past 15 years is seeing God interact in the small details of life.  I have already told my story of how God healed my mind, marriage and body (click on the words to read), but I've also seen him show up time and time again at First Glance from providing large amounts of money at the last minute, to someone calling with the exact skill we needed on a building project, to answering even the smallest prayer.  I have so many amazing stories I wish I could go into detail of each of them.  

15.  I WANT EVERY STUDENT TO KNOW...
I want every student to know the hope and love of Jesus!  It's why I do what I do, not because my way is better, simply because I love them too much not to tell them of the amazing adventure it is to be a Christ follower.  


As I look at the past 15 years I am SO grateful!!!  I'm grateful for the students I have met, for the volunteers who have served along side me, for the adventures, the memories, and living life together in this community... most of all I am GRATEFUL to God for giving me a front row seat at what He is doing!!  I genuinely feel blessed and as though I have the best job in the world.